Why is it, that when you're the most unsuspecting, thinking all is tranquil in your life, that anxiety creeps in? Why was it that this weekend I found myself having to take a lot of deep breaths? Has anything changed? Not significantly. Do I still have a handle on what's going on around me? I thought I did, until I started feeling anxious. What would I do without medication?
I've been working at my job for 6 years. It's rewarding and challenging and exhausting and stressful and I'm done. Or at least I want to be done. I never thought I'd work here this long, and yet 6, almost 7, years later here I am, plugging along each day. Gone are the days where I was excited to come in to work and looking forward to the challenges that my job might bring me. I'm tired. It's mundane. The challenges are annoying. The stressfulness gets on my nerves. The exhausting nature of the work makes me want to stay in bed each morning. But it's been a long while that I've felt this way about my job. Nothing changed over the weekend. But, could this be the source of my anxiety?
So, what's a girl to do? I know that I need to buckle down and ask my Heavenly Father what He would have me do. But what if He wants me to do something I don't want to do? Then what? I know He's just waiting to guide me, and yet I resist. Could this be the source of my anxiety?
Someday I'll figure this life thing out and my "stressful" job will seem like cake, and I'll be doing things more challenging and I'll wish I could have it easy like I did back in the day. Couldn't I just learn to enjoy things the way they are? Is that so unrealistic? Could THIS be the source of my anxiety?
Well, thanks for listening. It's been therapeutic. Work is calling and I've got to go.
I know what you mean! I resist asking the Lord for the same reason. What if my answer is to start having kidos? Sooo not ready! So I resist.
ReplyDeleteMy dirty house is calling. sigh.
Thanks for folowing my blog! I love yours. Always excited to see what you are up to.
Ah Gordita, I can relate...well not to the working at one job for 6 years, but feeling anxious when all is well. Frank hates that about me. Do not fret. The anxiety will subside, life will move on and you will reminisce of the days gone by. There are so many people who love you that you have helped at your job. You are amazing and don't you forget that. Miss you girl.xoxo
ReplyDeleteWe were excited last week when Brian's parents received all their paperwork for mission president stuff and the return address on the fed-ex was from one Kristina Rodriguez. I happily excaimed, "Hey, this was one of my best friends growing up!" So, your anxiety-filled job brought a smile to my face - nearly 3,000 miles away. I hope things smooth out soon.
ReplyDeleteThanks Dalene! Your comment brought a smile to my face, 3000 miles away.
ReplyDeleteAnd thank you Verusca and Liz. I'm a very blessed girl for being surrounded by such wonderful people.
I will, for a second presume to be God's west-coast rep. He doesn't want any of us staying in situations where we are miserable. The misery is, in and of itself, an answer.
ReplyDeleteI'm maybe generalizing a bit, but when I was up against the same decision, the answer I got was pretty much "Hey, Shannon, wanting to cry at the thought of going to work was all either of us should have needed to know."
And even if someday you look back from something challenging and say "Gosh, things were easier back when" I suspect you'l still be happier. Challenges are hard, but we wither away without them. Our brains start atorphying, and your late 20s is too young to start asking your husband what his name is again.
Shannon, thank you.
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