Dearest co-worker that lets me know about the pumpkin bagels on the desk not 12 steps from my office,
Thank you for your kind thoughtfulness. Thank you for letting me know that there is food, when it is not yet lunchtime, and I've already had my morning snack, and I am starving. Thank you for asking me several times if I would like a bagel, and so helpfully offering to bring me one. You remind me of the dear co-worker yesterday who brought me two cookies, because he was concerned I would not get one, and then I had to smell snickerdoodle cinnamony goodness right under my nose until I finally gave in and ate it but was successfully able to save the other cookie for TC. Thank you for the complicating my battle with will-power by adding a measure of peer pressure. I have to fight myself to stay on track, as well as fight you, politely, smiling through my teeth, insisting that I would rather pass on the pumpkiny yummy smelling bagels and rich and creamy cream cheese when my stomach is growling and I'm feeling weak from lack of nourishment and ask myself why I try to have resolve to eat well in the first place, and can one bagel really do all that much harm, and it's just ONE bagel (plus a piece of candy from each co-worker, plus pretzels, plus all the delicious food at the cafeteria) and you insist that I should really try one because they are just fresh out of the oven, and the cream cheese is fresh, and there are plenty of bagels for everyone and when I explain that I am declining the bagel because I am trying to eat better you tell me that I don't need to lose weight, and that I'm being too hard on myself, and that I can develop an eating disorder when you really have no idea how much I weigh, or how many of my clothes I've grown out of in the last year (and I'm not getting any taller). I appreciate your kindness, your concern that I will miss out on the treats, your love for me that matches my apparent love for food and the flattery that you so generously bestow upon me. I am going to sit in my office and drink my ice water from my jumbo water cup and hope you will forget about me, and hope I will forget about the bagels, or at least resist until they have all been eaten. Thank you for loving me so much that you want me to enjoy too. You are too kind.
All the best,
Gordita (ever trying to be less gordita)
I wonder who this could be to? I hope it's not me.
ReplyDeleteyou're hilarious.
ReplyDeleteDear Gordita,
ReplyDeletePlease stay strong... for the love, stay strong! If not for yourself, but for all the millions (okay, at least me) who look up to you as a beacon of hope that eating well and a little exercise can transform the most voluptuous silhouette into something a little more aerodynamic. Thank you for your consideration. Besides, TC could use an extra cookie now and then and will probably drop 5 pounds as a result. Life just isn't fair.
Sincerely,
gal-in-the-trenches
Oh... yes. So very yes. I miss some things about my old job, but the lack of access to on-desk candy dishes and occasional make-it-as-rich-as-possible potlucks that we had are probably good reasons for me not to be there.
ReplyDeleteGordita I love your entry. I too have put on too much weight and it's not just baby weight. I'm lumpy and none of my clothes from last winter fit and people are telling me it will all come off in due time and that I look just fine...well they are trying to sabotage my efforts to lose weight because they are not strong enough to lose weight themselves. So to you I say way to go and stay strong. Don't let those diet sabotagers get to you. You can do it!! This is THEE worst time of year for a diet, so we'll talk come January 1st when I really will start making an effort. I'll bring TC all our left over goodies because he's super metaboman...
ReplyDeletexoxo
Hey there's bagels...jk Kristina. I'm proud of you for eating better. I'm starting my "eating better challenge" today...I hope it goes as well as yours!
ReplyDelete-Abby
(PS, I think you're beautiful)
Oh, dear, I understand this all too well! Hang in there because, in the end, the bagel is just NOT going to be worth it. (A Snickers, maybe, but not a bagel).
ReplyDeleteHillarious. I have been guilty of both the declining and the peer pressure. But you crack me up.
ReplyDeleteAh, the peer pressure of the 3WW. Can't say that I miss it. I've pondered on that odd phenom, how one person saying no to goodies--not out of ignorance or dislike of the item but out of health and weight concerns--is a threat somehow. Food can be such a strangely illogical and emotional thing. Like how the couples got George a cake for his birthday after we'd done fruit or something like that. They said it was because he always got so excited about cake, but couldn't they see it was literally killing him? Next time just tell the person to mind their own business and slam the door. Give the ladies something else to talk about for the month. Sorry to go off like that--your post just led to some interesting flashbacks. ;)
ReplyDeleteI think we work at the same place. What I do is, in a fit of stubbornness, wait until the offender leaves my office area and then i tear up the tempting food item and put it in the garbage. let's face it-- it could be in the trash or on my hips- you know what i'm saying mama?
ReplyDeletesherri
(P.S. I don't know how "molly" got on my gmail account... weird... maybe some sort of freudian slip?)