Thursday, August 7, 2008

Obi-Juan Kenobi?

I have frequent brain lapses. Sometimes it takes me a long time...I mean a really REALLY long time to understand things that most people understand in an instant. When I was a child, I understood Obi-Wan Kenobi to be Obi-Juan Kenobi, and I wondered why he didn't speak Spanish more. Han Solo was Hands Solo in my mind. As an 8 year old, when asked what kind of God God is, I replied that he is a jealous God, just like it says in the ten commandments. I wondered for the longest time why there weren't any "sistren" if there are brethren. Being familiar with sewing patterns, I always thought that the brand Simplicity was Simpli City, and I wondered where this city was located. When I was administered an IQ test as a child in grade school, I was asked "What is a lotus?" At the time, the only lotus I was familiar with was the software program Lotus 1-2-3, and I didn't understand why the lady administering the test smirked at me when I told her about the software.

As an adult, I told my husband that I wanted a car with remote-less key entry. I asked him why, if a food had never been frozen, couldn't it be thawed? When a coworker told me his contact lens prescription I exclaimed sarcastically, "What are you, legally blind or something?" to which he replied, "Yes." When I was told a joke about two tomatoes crossing a road I laughed hysterically at the punchline and retold it with the wrong punchline for months (which incidentally rendered the joke completely humorless, but not to me). When I get caught up in a web of misunderstandings and saying the wrong words, my coping mechanism is to say, "Shut up."

I'm thick. I say the wrong things at the wrong time. I don't get things that come so easily to other people. Does Obi-Juan live with Hands Solo in Simpli City, and drive a car with remote-less key entry? Perhaps someday I will discover the answer to those questions that you all discovered a long time ago. Shut up.


  1. Hey, I do most of the same things, except the shut up thing, but I think I might adopt that one! It's great!

  2. Oh, you make me laugh! I would probably have laughed at your tomato joke, too!

  3. Ha ha made me actually start laughing. I love the random thoughts and where they lead that people have, but too often don't share. So thank you for sharing!

  4. Andrea, that's why I love you so much! I still quote Wedding Singer on a regular basis, and I even got Ivan started on saying things like, "The better man," and "Billy Idol gets it." Those were good times Andrea.

  5. For longer than I'm comfortable admitting to, I couldn't understand why the candy life savers and Luke Skywalker's weapon, also (I swear) named a Life Saver, were such different things.


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