Thursday, May 26, 2011

Gnomes on Homes

So you're probably wondering what do gnomes have to do with homes. In all honesty, nothing. It rhymed and I love catchy phrases. Especially when they make no sense.

Our house hunt continues. After a year of searching online, we finally gathered up the necessary courage to go look at a few houses. We only found one that we were really excited about, but sadly it was snatched up before we got to it. With good reason too: it was a lovely home. We will have to learn to be quicker, I suppose.

The idea of being quick on such a big decision is foreign to us. Six years ago when we bought a new car, it took us nearly a year of research and thought to finally go buy the car. We love it still, even all these years later, which is a testament to how careful we were in making our decision. But buying a home is a different animal. The factory will not just make you another perfect house in the perfect location. So, we are gearing up to pull the trigger when it's time to pull it. I'll let you know how that goes.

In the meantime, I have come across all kinds of interesting things in my online house hunting. I have discovered that weirdness, ugliness, and oldness comes at all price points. (I was afraid for a while that all we could afford were dives until I looked at houses in higher price ranges and came to the aforementioned conclusion).

You may be thinking, "What's so wrong with this picture?" Besides the blue tiled countertop, which is dated, but functional, the kicker for me is the glowing eyed creature in the background. Dog not included for $138/sqft.

For $61/sqft you can buy yourself this lovely newer home... with a plywood garage door? Couldn't be bothered with fixing that before you put the house on the market?

For $116/sqft you can have this busted garage door (oh, and the house behind it). Again with the "can't be bothered to fix stuff, need to sell mahouse," philosophy.

Then we have the all-too-common, all-too-popular wet bar, usually in the basement. Usually wood paneled. It's prevalent, as you are about to see.




$129/sqft. It's perfect for entertaining!

Now I think this just might be my favorite:

A mossy pond in your entry is a sure fire way to say, "Welcome to my micro organism ridden home," and "Watch your step." All of this could be yours for $139/sqft.

Or, how about an entire home carpeted in marbled mauve low pile? Now with lavender painted walls! $89/sqft.

Or your could go with orange carpeting for $129/sqft.

If you find that cost-prohibitive, here is a lower priced orange carpet option at only $91/sqft.

Or if you are more interested in purple carpet, for $101/sqft this could be yours. (I actually really liked this home in all of its funkiness, except for the carpet, which would be a relatively easy change. Alas, this home is no longer on the market.)

Anyone up for a pink kitchen?

And lastly, here is some product placement for you. Wheat Thins and Kroger brand Grahams? Yes please. Oh, and the house could be yours for only $77/sqft.


  1. I love online home listings. Sometimes I wonder what the realtor was thinking. Couldn't you take the crap off the counter for the ten seconds it takes to snap a picture?

    My favorite one, though, was an exterior shot where the sky and all surroundings had been (obviously) photoshopped out. Hmmm, this house has no neighbors, and the sky is uniformly slate blue....

    Good luck!

  2. Oh yeah, I remember those days...we found several houses with randomly placed toilets. One was an incinerator one in an upstairs closet (with a "tap light"), one was a toilet randomly placed in the center of the wall in the laundry room with bare studs behind it and a telephone on the next stud over--ya know, just in case. Another had a toilet in the dirt floor basement (again, right next to the washer/dryer) which, oddly enough, was also being used as a bedroom....No, I really don't know. There's some real doozies out there, and price doesn't seem to have anything to do with it.

  3. Oh how I've missed you. House hunting is surely a frustrating thing--good luck!

  4. I LOVED This post! It was so funny! Thanks for sharing!

  5. Seller's bad pictures are the buyer's good fortune. Love that stuff! And you're totally right, switching carpet is cheap, easy and makes things smell better. And there's nothing a $30 can of paint can't fix.
    Gotta love the wetbar though! Maybe you can make it a fabric dying station?!

  6. Are these seriously homes you've seen yourself? Too, too crazy. Our worst experience was a home so dirty and smelly that our realtor ran outside and puked in the front yard.We didn't buy that one. :-)

  7. Something about that lavender carpet makes me want to roll around on it. (Fully clothed)

  8. omg. lmao!!! thi made my day after a long day at work. Came to your blog from pattern review and your latest Rebecca TAylor suit!!oh how I love that pattern!!!!

  9. You make me laugh. This is exactly what I needed today


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