Thursday, September 8, 2011

Let's be snarky

Let me begin by saying that I'm a snarky jerk.

I think most of you already knew that.

I just want this to be a full-disclosure website.

If judgmental snarkiness turns you off, if you don't have the stomach for it, I invite you now to close your browser, navigate to another page, do anything except read this post. Because I warn you right now, it's gonna get U-G-L-Y.

Our house hunt continues. The reason it continues and has not come to an end is that we have very, VERY specific ideas about what we want. I mean really REALLY specific. So specific that we decided to look into building. There are unique challenges that come with that project, which is a post in itself for another day.

While we search for land to build on and the like, I continue to look at homes for sale, just in case something that meets our very specific specifications comes on the market right at our price range, right in the neighborhoods we are interested in. Fat chance, right? Right.

Instead I have found more to be snarky about. Like this home, which seems like a bargain at $51 a square foot. This whopper of a home is nearly 7,000 square feet.

But it has a few leetle tiny flaws:

It needs some work. Like some wallpaper ripped out. Some carpet replaced. Some window treatments removed.

It's a little dated. The turquoise carpet is a dead giveaway.

Oh, and the rose carpet.

And the dark sea foam carpet.

Oh, and I forgot to mention that it has a "some" water damage. And "some" mold.

And checkered tile.

Oh, and hot pink doors.

And a colorful tile backsplash that looks like it's straight out of Super Mario Bros.

Also, I noticed three doors leading to the outside. Three doors that each look like "front" doors. (Seriously. Go back and count them.)

And a urinal.

Wait, what?

That's right a urinal.

Okay, so I know what some of you are thinking: These are all very fixable flaws. With the exception of the water damage, these are minor fixes. Put new carpet in here, retile there, paint, etc. It's all cosmetic. And having a urinal installed could be very convenient for the men in my life.

Some of you may be thinking that I am beyond a judgmental creep, and what did this house ever do to me that I am calling it out on the (stained-dirty-filthy) carpet.

Some of you may also think that I should just feel lucky to even be able to consider buying a home. I should feel lucky to have a place to live at all. I should feel blessed that I have the opportunity to be so picky.

All of those statements are true. And believe me, I do feel blessed. I want to keep my bless-ed state as in tact as possible. Which is why I am steering clear of homes with urinals. 


  1. Seriously, if people would just get a freakin' CLUE then people like me and you wouldn't HAVE to be such snarky jerks. Right? Really, it is not our fault at all - it is ALL on them! I really think so! Imean, 4 different colored carpets throughout the house, backsplash from hell, AND a urinal? It's enough to make Mother T snarky. What were they thinking?!? PS I actually don't think you're a snarky jerk at all. Me, on the other hand...

  2. I love your house hunting posts! I show them to Jeff and we just laugh and laugh over the craziness (ie ugliness) of other people's homes. This house is incredible in its ugliness - how do people live in places like that??

  3. I love when you start your post "Let's get snarky." I confess that I immediately respond, "oh yes, let's do!"

  4. Wow. That is some backsplash. And those pink doors. And the rose carpet. Wow. Those pictures are going to haunt my nightmares.

  5. BTW... I just showed this to my hubby and he started laughing hysterically about the urinal. Then he said, "That's awesome!" His comment actually spurred an argument and now I think I can no longer be married to my eternal companion BC I think urinals in a house are disgusting and he thinks they are 'awesome' which I just cannot understand. He'd better concede to my views quickly. :-)

  6. The snarkiness was well deserved. What kind of person (bachelor maybe) has that kind of backsplash and a urinal??? Eeek, eek, triple eek. Good luck on your househunt


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