Monday, March 30, 2009

Caveat to Impertinent Answers

I've got a few thoughts to add to my previous post. I understand the curiosity of our situation being married for nine years and not having children. I get it that we're an anomaly.

I want to point out that neither TC nor I have answered anyone with so much sarcasm (although we've been tempted at times). Our answers to such inquiries are benign and polite, even when the questions are neither benign nor polite, such as inquiries that come from random RS president type older ladies at church who stop TC in a hallway full of people and tell him, "You're smart. Why don't you have kids?" (To her credit, this particular lady has said a variety of tactless things to a variety of different people, so this is not one isolated incident aimed directly at us.)

But what I realized based on your responses is that people stick their noses into people's private matters all the time, whether you're married or not, whether you have children or not, whether you've been married for one year or fourteen, no matter your circumstance. People who lack tact, lack decorum, who lack the sense of when to mind their own business are a fact of life.

And when I think about it, honestly sometimes I'm that person who sticks their nose where it doesn't belong. Sometimes I'm the person who has an opinion on matters that have nothing to do with me for which I don't have all the information. But having people up in our business certainly has made me more sympathetic and understanding toward others who are also anomalies like us.

So there you have it: my caveat. All that being said, I really enjoyed reading your responses. So many of us have waited for our families to grow for one reason or another. And if that hasn't been the challenge, then something else has. As Barbara said, "everyone has some miserable cross to bear." But at least there are some of us out there who understand each other.


  1. So, I haven't really been in a situation where people have been super nosy like this. However, I'm sure it will come at some point in my life. But as someone who wonders about peoples' situations (I think we all do, to a degree, whether we like to admit it or not) I think it's USUALLY out of love or concern. If someone is having a hard time getting pregnant, you want to support them, maybe tell them about other friends going through similar situations. If they don't want kids right now you want to say, "yeah, it's hard work. Wait till you're ready." If they don't know how to have sex, you want to provide them with a little helpful information and then laugh later:). Ok, but really I think people have good intentions most of the time. Yeah, there's the occasional idiot. And I've been one of them. But I think we all have been or will be at some point.

  2. Okay, I love Kim's comment and to your most recent post - AMEN. I could not agree more. (Now I will go and repent for being so rude to that RS sister so long ago. Wait, I think I already did repent.)


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